LAC, U/S, HSG

In my last post, I discussed the recent testing we had done. The results of my LCA are still on back, but I may find out the results tomorrow if I am lucky. It was a relief to get our karyotyping results yesterday. The doctor said everything was normal (thank you Lord). Scott immediately said, "Oh, I am surprised. I thought for sure it would come back confirming the fact that Melissa is a weirdo." This made the doctor chuckle (which is no small fete).

We were also at the doctor for a repeat ultrasound of my reproductive parts. My endometrium cyst is even bigger than it was 5 weeks ago. The shocking news was that my left ovary had three, COUNT 'EM THREE, follicles growing. The biggest was 17 mm  (awesome!) and the other two were 10 mm each. After the ultrasound, we were lead to the basement of the buidling for a procedure to check my uterus and fallopian tubes for any issues. I have had a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) about 4 years ago, so I knew what to expect.

I had to lay on an exam table with stirrups for my calves to rest in. It wasn't the most enjoyable thing...especially with all your lady parts (from the waist down) exposed. I was dreading this procedure because of my history of the ol' cervix being closed up tighter than Fort Knox. I warned the doctor and he said he wasn't concerned and it wouldn't be an issue. To say it was a little uncomfortable would be an understatement. When it came time to do the xray, he said "if you want to see yourself, look to your right."

There on a black and white screen was a sea of gray. When he said "and here it comes", all of the sudden there was a perfect view of my uterus. You could see the contrast dye moving up through the fallopian tubes and spilling out into my abdominal cavity. To quote my doctor, I have beautiful tubes! My uterus looked perfect, too. He also said that I was one of the easiest patients to complete that procedure on.

At our brief follow-up post procedure, the doctor informed us that I was at a prime place/position/timing to try to get pregnant like any normal couple would. He highly suggested that I come back Monday morning for bloodwork to test my hormones and another ultrasound to see if I had ovulated. Then, depending on those results, come back Tuesday for a round of insemination. He said it can't hurt anything to try it...and it would save thousands of dollars to be able to avoid IVF.

I was more than a little shocked to hear all this. To think that we could get pregnant this weekend/week without any significant help blows my mind! Here's hoping and praying that our efforts this weekend will be fruitful and that God's will aligns with ours.

Family Matters

At some point towards the end of summer, Scott and I sat down and had a serious conversation about what we would like to see our family look like in the not too distant future. As you may well know, we have been struggling to have children for many year (at this point it seems like our entire marriage, but it has been at least the last 5 years). After failing to naturally conceive, we turned to my OB/GYN for some advice and assistance. He put me on a couple rounds of Clomiphene Citrate (Clomid) to help with making sure I had some egg follicles developing. We were elated to find out I fell pregnant, only for that pregnancy to be short lived.

After no more luck, my OB/GYN suggested some testing to be completed by a local reproductive endocrinologist (RE) and seek out their assistance. After some testing and a month or two of IUI, I was expecting again. Our second sweet babe joined the first in Heaven after a few short weeks.

When I decided to start nursing school, expanding out family was put on hold. Now that I am still in school, with no end in sight, and my maternal age getting more "advanced" by the moment, we needed to figure out a game plan. I have wanted to adopt since we got married. I always envisioned there being biological children in our home as well as adopted children.

I told Scott that I was ready to put the fertility treatments behind me once and for all and move forward with adoption. He ultimately said it was my choice and he didn't care (when it is all said and done) where our children came from,he just wants to be a dad. We ended that conversation under the agreement that this is how we would grow our family.

I started telling a few friends and family members. They all were supportive (for the most part). It wasn't until I was questioned by my sister and a friend that I started questioning my decision. After much thinking and praying, I felt like I was possibly short-changing Scott by not getting a second opinion from another RE in our area. What was the hurt in getting a second opinion and having some more (new) testing done.

So five weeks ago we sought out a second opinion from a new RE. This doctor is known for having less than optimal bedside manner. I have read and hear from many people that you either like him or you don't. I went into the appointment with my expectations low...knowing that there was a good chance he could turn me away and tell me to come back when I have dropped 40-50 pounds (yes, he has said that to people). To my surprise, he didn't do that to me...that doesn't mean he didn't "highly suggest" that I lose weight. It may have helped that he is familiar with my husband and the company he works for (as Scott has done several jobs for this doctor at his office).

We went over my history and he gave us his recommendations. We had a crap load of blood work done, an ultrasound of my reproductive organs, and poor Scott had to leave a...sample. Scott is in the clear, as there is nothing wrong with his guys. My ovary has another big cyst growing that has to be monitored. And the majority of our blood work came back clear. There was an issue with my Lupus Anticoagulant test, so he had that redrawn and sent to a different lab for retesting.

Now we wait for that to determine our next step, should we decide to do anything.

End of Summer

In my last post, I had mentioned that I was praying for success in my nursing class. Well, things didn't go as planned and I ended up "failing" the class by one quarter of a percentage point. So, I transferred to a local state university. I am taking a nutrition class and a college algebra class that are requirements for the nursing program. I applied for the accelerated nursing program, which is for people who already have a bachelor's degree and are wanting to become nurses. I found out last night that I didn't get accepted. I am disappointed, but figured that was going to be the case. I will just continue taking courses that are requirements for graduating and reapply in the spring to start in the summer.

I am still working as a secretary at the local children's hospital in the neonatal intensive care unit. The job can be somewhat boring at times, but it is a good job. I am allowed to work on schoolwork as long as it doesn't interfere with my job duties. A perk of working there I they offer up to $5250 of tuition reimbursement if you are working on a degree that is in the healthcare field. Another perk is the medical benefits...especially that fertility treatment coverage. While it isn't stellar, it certainly does help take the sting out of treatment.

Now that it is officially fall, I guess it is time to start looking forward to brisk mornings and evenings, rainy days, and snuggling up with a fuzzy blanket. I don't know what my schooling future looks like, but I am just going to try to take it one day at a time.

Goodbye summer. Hello fall.

Who knows if this will continue

I have not blogged in roughly a year. My life has been crazy. Going to school, having clinicals in the evening, and working nights leaves me pretty tired. I just wanted to get some thoughts out on "paper" to look back on in the future. Thoughts going through my mind now so I that I can look back and say, "hey girl! Look what you did! You made it. In what may have seemed like the hardest years of your life, you made it out in one peice. You, my friend, should know by now that you can do anything you put your heart and mind to."

My spring semester did not go as I had planned. I rocked my OB/PEDS class. My Med Surg 3 class was not so spectacular. I ended up having to drop it and retake it this summer. My experience this summer has been so much different than last semester. Class is still just as difficult, but I am giving it all I have. My clinicals have been a little more challenging. The instructor really pushes us (always on our cases about our care plans). At first it annoyed me, but now I am okay with it. She is only making me better.

Last November I thought I had appendicitis. My mom took me to the ER. They said it wasn't appendicitis, but it looked like my ovary was a little enlarged with some fluid around it. My instructions were to follow up with my OB/GYN. My doctor did an ultrasound, only to find that my ovary wasn't "a little enlarged". It was the size of my fist (also the same size as my uterus). Fast forward 4 months, I ended up having the cyst removed through laproscopic surgery. My recovery didn't go as planned, I was miserable for about 3 weeks instead of the "3-5 days" my doctor said it would take. Thank goodness for my Chiropractor, who was able to adjust my abdominal muscles and my hips. The pain went away instantly.

My heart still aches for children of our own. My doctor told me at my post surgery appointment that I have endometriosis, so my chances aren't very good. If we go ahead with more treatments, it will have to be injectable medication paired with insemination. The injectable medication is really expensive. We aren't sure if that is something we want to do or not. My only other option is IVF, and we don't want to risk spending over 10 grand on a gamble.

It hurts my heart and spirit to potentially be slamming the door (and locking it) on that chapter of life. We could use some prayers about what our next step should be. Did we just say enough is enough right now? Or do we try one more round of insemination with the injectable medicines?

I was at clinicals tonight, walking to the cafeteria for our dinner break, and I suddenly got this sharp pain in my lower abdomen. I was hoping that it would just go away if I emptied my bladder. Tried that, only to find that it got worse. I hurt to sit and it hurt to stand. At that time, my anxiety started kicking in and I started having chest pain. My classmates, God love them, were really concerned and started assessing me right there in the cafeteria (not a physical, but verbal). One offered to take a clinical miss and drive me to the emergency department near my town. Thankfully, mom came to the rescue again and picked me up at school to take me to the ED. My vital signs were all good at the hospital. My EKG looked okay. They are sending a urine sample for culture to rule out a nasty UTI. After questions and a couple abdominal palpations, they deemed that I "probably" had a cyst rupture. There was nobody there to do an ultrasound to confirm, but I a supposed to follow up with my OB/GYN as soon as possible.

Good gravy, I need a vacation.Luckily, that is coming up in a few weeks! I cannot wait to get away for a week to relax and see new sights. The only thing standing in my way is 1 test and 1 final. Prayers for a successful end of the semester for me and for improved health!

Today's Prayer

I haven't posted anything in almost a year. Life has gotten...busy? Hard? Consuming? Scary? I feel like I need to post today. Not an update about what is going on in my life, but a prayer. So if you choose to leave the page now, no offense. If you choose to stay and read my prayer, please pray it with me, for me, or alter it to fit what you need covered in prayer today. If you have a specific prayer request, please leave me a comment or send me an email.

Lord God, I come to you with a frightened  and anxious heart. Lord, you know my heart before I do. The thoughts in my head are not new to you. Father, I need your strength today, tomorrow, and the rest of the week. I need your strength everyday and will need it everyday here on out. Lord, I feel like I am drowning with school. My mind is swimming in a thousand different directions and it seems none of them are toward you. There is a dark force at work trying to bring me down. To turn from you. Father, I know that it is not of you. It is using those around me to cast doubt upon what I am supposed to be doing. Casting doubt on my ability to finish my schooling successfully. Father God, my friends and I can feel it trying to dampen our spirits. Trying plant seeds of doubt and destruction in our minds.
Lord, hear my plea and cover me with your righteousness and favor. Hedge me in and lead us through this darkness. I know that with you all things are possible, the devil knows that too. He knows that the flesh is weak and is trying to sever my bond with you. Lord, protect my friends and I from this snake and cast light onto the path we need to take. The path may be rough, we know that, but can handle what comes our way with you guiding us and shielding us with favor. In your heavenly name, Amen.

Psalm 5:12 ESV

For you bless the righteous, O Lord ; you cover him with favor as with a shield.