Big Changes

So I have a little announcement to make. As I stated in my last post, I am not pregnant. There were tears shed Saturday morning. It wasn't because my monthly visitor was beginning to make an appearance. And my tears weren't all sad.

I was shedding tears of both sadness AND excitement. While my journey to becoming a mother has been altered and put on hold, I am totally okay with it.

I have been hearing little whispers in the back of my head for the past, oh like five years. And for the past four and a half years I have been ignoring it. I didn't want to hear the whisper. I was more concerned about what I wanted to do. Over the past year it has become increasingly more clear to me that I was constantly stressed to the max.

Well, in December the whispers in the back of my head were no longer whispers. They were like announcments given over a bullhorn. It was only then that I realized that these whispers were not from my mind, but a direct message from God.

I resisted at first; still desperately clinging to the hope that "if we do just one more month of fertility treatments we will be successful." Well, one month turned into three. Each passing month a more evident sign that it is time to stop trying to control what happens to me (that I ultimately have no control over).

Tuesday evening (of last week), I was shown once again that I need to just concede and really let go and give control to God. The cherry was put on top of the sundae Saturday morning.

So that is what I have done. I have relinquished control of my life to God for real this time. I had some conversations, that I was dreading, with some very dear people. They went much easier and better than I had expected.

I am excited to be jumping with both feet into something I feel God himself has brought me to. I am not looking back, but onward and upward. I am so very excited and maybe a tad nervous about where my next journey in life is going to take me. The journey will probably be hard; but if He brought me to it, He will most definitely bring me through it...successfully!

I can't wait to officially share what this journey is. I just have to make sure my ducks are in a row before I do. In the mean time, please pray for Scott and me. I need clarity, continued peace, and for an easy transition for ALL involved. Prayers for Scott: stamina, support, and favor. Also that this experience doesn't drive us apart, but to bring us together like never before. It will be stressful and a long process. Thanks in advance for your prayers!