Holding Pattern

Have you ever planned a vacation? You have all your bags packed, you get to the airport. Things just go swimmingly. Bag check and security are a breeze. You board the plane. The plane pulls back from the gate and starts taxiing towards a runway.

Your heart may start beating a bit faster in anticipation. Then the captain comes on the speaker saying the flight pattern is full. We are in line for take off. There are several planes ahead of you in the queue. During this time, you are just kind of...existing. The attendants are not able to get you a beverage. You have to have your electronics turned off and stowed away. Your tray table must be put up and your seat needs to be in its full, upright position. Pretty much all you can do is try to sleep, talk to your neighbor (if you are that kind of person), or try to stare put the window. If you are an anxious flyer, this would be the time you may find yourself holding your breath or silently saying a prayer.

That is where I am at right now with my IVF journey. In the holding pattern. Just waiting as each day passes, waiting for the go ahead from the flight tower. For my journey, the green light for the process to begin will be given any day now. We are just waiting for our bodies to do their thing. Once we both have started our cycles, the doctor will tell us when to start our birth control.

This is getting to be very surreal to me. I have waited so long for this whole journey to a baby to be done. Now that it potentially will come to a head in roughly nine months, I can't wrap my head around it. I have prayed so long, and so much that my prayers have pretty much become silent. It is almost so much like stream of consciousness thinking for me, that sometimes it feels like I am not even praying about it anymore. God knows my heart. My desire hasn't changed.

As I was reminded in a little note from a friend from church, God hears me. He hasn't forgotten. I just need to keep faith and have hope.

If any of you are wondering, here is how you can help us with prayer:
-pray that my donor and I continue to be synced.
-her hormones aren't too hard on her (I have taken hormones before, so I kind of know what to expect). And that our support systems around us don't take to heart any mean/nasty/out of character thing we may say or do.
-that my meds don't cost more than we are able to afford (even with prescription coverage, I am worried about the Lupron).
-when the time comes for all blood work, it will go swimmingly. That it will make it to the proper labs in the condition it is supposed to arrive in, on the timeframe it is supposed to arrive in.
-for my donor's family. She is going to have to spend some time apart from her husband. Pray that her little one feels no extra stress from this experience.
-wisdom for my doctor. That he leans in on God in helping to create our perfect protocol and timeframe. He is a man of faith, I just pray that he puts some of his ego aside and listens to the voice of God.
-for the perfect eggs to be collected and the perfect sperm to be singled out to combine to make the most perfect embryos for Scott and I.

Lastly, pray for peace. Overwhelming peace and confidence for all involved. Peace that we have made the right decision, are with the right doctor, are having this done in the most perfect month.