Walking on Eggshells

Since December, I am have been walking on eggshells. Keeping a secret from most people in my life. I feel confident that I can now share the big news with the world...well most of the world. My students don't know yet.

For a long time now (a few years) I have had this whisper in the back of my head to do something. I always ignored it and it would go away for a few months. Without fail, the whisper would come back every couple of months. Since about September, this has progressed slowly from a whisper to a voice booming from a bullhorn.

What has it been saying all these years? At first it  was just "you need a change". Over the past two year it has become more specific. It changed to "nursing". Nursing? What about it? Am I supposed to nurse my children, should I ever be blessed with them? "Okay Lord, will do! But you have to help me out with the whole getting pregnant thing." Oh, silly Melissa! God was not amused. For some reason, in August, I got the "brilliant" idea that I was supposed to take a STNA (State Tested Nurses Aide) course, so I could teach AND have a part time job "just for fun" on the weekends at a nursing home. Mind you, only a few family members and a friend or two knew about this AND they only found out about it AFTER I was almost finished with the course.

I took the course, had the best grades in the class. Then it came time for clinicals and a series of strange events popped up preventing me from completing them or making up the hours I missed. I was thinking, "Ok God. You tell me nursing. I tried to do it but obviously I wasn't supposed to become a STNA. Now what?" You know what He said? "Just wait."

So, I waited. Then over Christmas break the voice came back. Louder than ever. God directed me to several paths I could take. I did A LOT of research on programs. Contacted people at said programs to get more information. I really wanted to atttend my Alma Mater and complete their fast track program for people that already have a bachelor's degree of some sort. They had a ridiculous amount of pre-requisites which turned me off from the program. Then the girl I contacted was extremely rude to me, which was the nail in the coffin that I wouldn't be going back to KSU for this degree.

Somehow, I landed on a website of a local hospital and learned that they had their own School of Nursing and Radiography. They had very few pre-requisites and their application date was quickly approaching. Somehow (which I now give credit to God) I managed to get all my paperwork together and submitted by the deadline. I did all of this trusting that whatever happened as an end result would be of God's plans...and I hadn't exactly told anyone I was doing this. Only Scott.

A few days after submitting all of my paperwork, I had to tell my mom. I only told her at that point because one of her best friends works at my high school alma mater  as a secretary. She gave me my transcripts to mail off and she was asking my mom about what I was doing. Mom had no idea, so I told her. Then I told two of my closest work friends and my best friend. Late in the evening on February 26th, less than two months from my initial "investigations into nursing", I opened a thick envelope congratulating me on my acceptance into nursing school!

So that is my big news. I am going to nursing school and "retiring" from teaching. Time to go back to being the student. I have really enjoyed working at my current place of employment. The staff have been nothing but wonderful and supportive while Scott and I were trying to conceive. I told my boss at the beginning of the month (after I had officially been accepted into the program) and she was very supportive. I will miss my co-workers and the students, but I have NEVER been more sure and unwavering about a decision in my life.

Immune System Represent!

Most of my search for medical records was to find my immunization records. Part of my next chapter in life requires me to be up to date on all of my immunizations. Regardless of whether I have proof of every shot needed, I had to have current immunization levels a.k.a titers. Now don't be foolish and think this is pronounced a certain way. It is said like "tighters." Not titters. Like someone else thought. Who shall remain nameless.

The results were supposed to take like four days to get back. I had the blood drawn last Wednesday evening. So that put getting the results back on Sunday (my doctors office is open seven days a week). I thought nothing of the fact that I hadn't heard anything Sunday and Monday. This morning, my brain was starting to put the cart before the horse. I told myself not to worry about it. They will call when they know something. I accepted what the situation was instead of calling the office first thing in the morning (which is what I used to do).

The nurse called this afternoon and told me they got the results back. All my tests showed that I was still at an immunized level. No more polio, rubella, rubeola or varicella vaccines in my future! Woo hoo! Now I just have to go Thursday evening to get my second step of the tb test; Saturday evening or Sunday afternoon I can get it read and have my physical completed.

Mission Accomplished

The great medical record hunt of 2014 is over...I hope. I have located the mystical "green folder of health" that was given to me upon high school graduation. I have to get my tb test read this evening. I plan on taking this stuff to see if they can use it.

In other news, I had been having some health problems last month. My doctor referred me to a gastroenterologist. Today was the big day! I was seen and he was very nice. The doctor wants me to get the old "roto-rooter" done. I was hoping to get it done in two weeks, over spring break. No such luck. However, they had a cancellation for MONDAY! I was not quite prepared mentally for this to happen so quickly. It was either Monday or wait until like May, which is a no go because I won't have medical insurance then.

So my Sunday evening is going to be spent upstairs. By myself. Locked in the bathroom. Scott, honey I am sorry but you are going to have to find somewhere to use a toilet. If you think of it, say some prayers for Scott and I for peace and calm over Sunday and Monday.

The mystical green health folder.

The Great Record Hunt of 2014

My next chapter in my life journey is requiring a lot of paperwork and record searching. Do you know how hard to is to track down records spanning the course of your life? I have to obtain a physical. Part of the physical exam requires a doctor signing off on reviewing my vaccination records. Apparently the doctor office I have been seeing since like the age of 5 or 6 doesn't have my complete vaccination record.

The kind nurse suggested I contact my high school to obtain them. So, this morning before school I contacted my Alma Mater. No dice. They informed me that they didn't start keeping those kind of records until about 10 years ago, when they were able to do it electronically. My next call was to the County Health Department. I remember getting a MMR booster shot there before starting middle school. The "kind and well-informed" worker didn't believe me that there was a satellite office located at Edwin Shaw back in the early 90's. She quickly transferred my call to someone else (I think it was to get out of having to deal with me). This next employee was MUCH more knowledgeable and was quickly able to locate an electronic copy of my shot record. SCORE!! I have to go pick it up tomorrow afternoon.

One down. Many to go.

The next step was to call my former pediatrician. This was no simple task, as my pediatrician is retired and had been for quite a while. So, I googled him. This search brought up his name and a "practice" he was associated with. I called the number and was greeted by a recording saying that I had reached CHIPA of the town I live in (which is a medical practice that is associated with the local children's hospital). After waiting on hold for over 10 minutes, I finally get to speak to a secretary or someone with an unknown position. I explain to her that I am trying to obtain vaccination records from the 80's when I was a patient of Dr. X. She had never heard of the doctor and didn't know how to spell his name. After spelling it out for her and giving her my crucial info, she told me that she would have to contact their off-site storage facility to see if they could locate it. Before she hung up, she told me that she would be calling me back.

I am NOT a patient person when I am waiting for a return phone call. So, after all my students were gone, I called this office back. Another person answered right away. This time, the lady informed me that they had to SEND my information to the off-site place and then it would take 24-48 hours for them to process the request. **Normally I would have got really snippy with them at this point. However, I have turned control over to God. I just took a deep breath and smiled over the phone and calmly said "OK." This is God's plan for me, it will all work out.** Sometime within the next 24 to 48 hours I will find out if they HAVE my records.

Please pray that they find these records in a timely manner and that if they can't find them, they will be able to give me insight as to where to inquire next. I am on a deadline to get all of this stuff submitted to the "powers that be."

Big Changes

So I have a little announcement to make. As I stated in my last post, I am not pregnant. There were tears shed Saturday morning. It wasn't because my monthly visitor was beginning to make an appearance. And my tears weren't all sad.

I was shedding tears of both sadness AND excitement. While my journey to becoming a mother has been altered and put on hold, I am totally okay with it.

I have been hearing little whispers in the back of my head for the past, oh like five years. And for the past four and a half years I have been ignoring it. I didn't want to hear the whisper. I was more concerned about what I wanted to do. Over the past year it has become increasingly more clear to me that I was constantly stressed to the max.

Well, in December the whispers in the back of my head were no longer whispers. They were like announcments given over a bullhorn. It was only then that I realized that these whispers were not from my mind, but a direct message from God.

I resisted at first; still desperately clinging to the hope that "if we do just one more month of fertility treatments we will be successful." Well, one month turned into three. Each passing month a more evident sign that it is time to stop trying to control what happens to me (that I ultimately have no control over).

Tuesday evening (of last week), I was shown once again that I need to just concede and really let go and give control to God. The cherry was put on top of the sundae Saturday morning.

So that is what I have done. I have relinquished control of my life to God for real this time. I had some conversations, that I was dreading, with some very dear people. They went much easier and better than I had expected.

I am excited to be jumping with both feet into something I feel God himself has brought me to. I am not looking back, but onward and upward. I am so very excited and maybe a tad nervous about where my next journey in life is going to take me. The journey will probably be hard; but if He brought me to it, He will most definitely bring me through it...successfully!

I can't wait to officially share what this journey is. I just have to make sure my ducks are in a row before I do. In the mean time, please pray for Scott and me. I need clarity, continued peace, and for an easy transition for ALL involved. Prayers for Scott: stamina, support, and favor. Also that this experience doesn't drive us apart, but to bring us together like never before. It will be stressful and a long process. Thanks in advance for your prayers!