Happy Thanksgiving

Just wanted to say Happy Thanksgiving and give a little Scott update. We will start with Scott.

Scott had a follow-up appointment with his podiatrist Wednesday morning. We just expected to have his bandage changed and talk about what the timeline looks like for going back to work. The doctor came in, unwrapped his foot, and changed the bandage. There was a big steri-strip covering the stitches/incision so I couldn't see how it looked. He had a decent sized bruise under his ankle bone.

He asked Scott how it felt to walk on it. "Uhhhh, you told us now weight bearing for two weeks." Dr. said, "Oh no, you can put weight on it." The doctor told him to sit tight, he wanted xrays to compare the ankle before to now. The asistant took him for those and then came back in with a walking boot!

The doctor came back in a few minutes later checked the xrays and said we were good to go. I blurted out "so what is it looking like for going back to work?" He smiled, shook my hand and said, "We will see you in a week to take out those stitches!" So, no idea how much time we are looking at.

Did you have a good holiday? I did. My started bright and early. To cook you ask? Nope, to "trot" in a 5k Turkey Trot in a neighboring town. It was very cold to say the least, I think the actual temp was 16 degrees but with the wind chill felt like 12. I wanted to give up so many times, but stayed the course and finished.

After the race, I came home and started cooking. I was in charge of making a side dish for the meal at my Grandmother's house. I made the standard green bean casserole (sans mushrooms because my husband is so picky). Then I made a new dish. I tried to make ratatouille. It looks delicious and smelled good too.

When it came time to eat, there was so much food! Way too much! My ratatouille was an epic bomb. The tomato sauce was disgusting. It ruined the whole dish. It was bitter and very acidic. I was embarrassed. Should have stuck with something I knew would be great. The were some people from our family that were missing. My sister and her family couldn't be there and my cousin's little baby couldn't come either.

After Grandma's house, Scott and I came home and waited for his mom, brother and sister-in-law to arrive for dessert. Since we were expecting Scott's ankle to be a lot worse we told his mom that we wouldn't be over for Thanksgiving. They arrived around 7:00. Scott, David and their mom had some of my "famous" cheesecake, while Nicole and I had dark chocolate brownies with ice cream.

It was a great day. I am thankful for so many things. Blessings to you all!

Where was Mine?

My dear husband has been having ankle pain for over a year now. Last fall I finally convinced him to see a podiatrist. After a couple failed attempts to rid him of his pain, the doctor finally ordered a ct-scan of the affected ankle.

The scan showed that he had a bone that never fused to other bones and was essentially "floating in soft tissue". This has created arthritis in his ankle, causing the pain. So, this morning he is having that pesky bone removed.

When I went back to see him prior to the surgery he had a funky hospital gown on. It wasn't fabric per se. There were flaps all over it; under one flap was what appeared to be a hose attachment port. I asked the nurse what it was. Come to find out, the gown had a "compartment" for air.

Depending on how the patient is feeling they can attach a hose to the gown that blows air into it. The air can be cold or warm depending on what the patient wants. No more heated blankets at this hospital!

My question is: where was mine in July? I had a procedure using the same health system...no "Bair Paws" for me!

A little post surgery update: Scott ended up having a cyst growing in his ankle that had to be removed as well. He is recovering well at home. "Nurse Ratchet" has been very kind to him...so far.

Scott was happy to model the "Bair Paws" gown.

One last look at the "defective" foot and ankle.

The "Bair Paws" machine. A little bummed that Scott didn't want to give it a whirl.

Numbers

This may not be a big deal to the majority of you, but it is to me. I have always wondered how many people read this little blog of mine. There is a stats page that I can view. In the past, I didn't pay much attention to it. In the past week I have been watching it like a hawk.

Why? Because in just over a month and a week or so, I have had over a thousand page views. That tells me hat even though people don't comment, there are people reading. So...I just want to say THANKS!

La La Loopsy

La La Loopsy...that is how I have been feeling lately. Ever since I started these stinking birth control pills to attempt dissolving my ovarian cyst, I have been loopy. My days are like roller coaster rides. I can be perfectly happy one minute, then sobbing the next. Something someone says, a way someone looks at me, a word or phrase I read, anything can set me off. My students are pretty lucky that my main two emotions this past week and a half have been happiness and sadness.

I was talking to my sixth period class this afternoon, and all of a sudden I burst out in tears. The last thing a group of 8th-10th graders needs to see is me at a very weak moment. I have a reputation to live up to you know...and apparently lately it is that of a emotional wreck. Although, in my moments of weeping this afternoon, I was able to see my students look at me through different "lenses". Most of them had a lot of compassion for me and were very concerned as to why I was crying. I wish I had a better explanation for them. All I could muster out was "I am on a new medicine that makes me cry a lot. I don't know why it does, but it does."

Along with the emotional roller coaster, I have been getting headaches. These headaches are borderline migraine status. I had one yesterday from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed. Thankfully, I woke up without one today. Upon my departure from work this afternoon, it was back (but nowhere near as bad as yesterday). I really lucked out because I had an appointment with an acupuncturist after work. She asked me if I was still taking a break from fertility treatments and that set me off again on a crying trip. I explained that I was, and that my cyst had gotten bigger from the month before and my doctor had put me on birth control to try to dissolve it.

After telling her all my symptoms, she said "I can tell you that you are not depressed. This is all brought on by the pills. They have thrown your hormones all out of whack." That made me feel a little better. (Side-note: earlier in the day I had called the nurse's line for my doctor due to some bleeding that has been going on and the constant crying. She told me that I could go off the pills if I was that uncomfortable.) My acupuncturist was determined to get my spirits lifted and my headache to disappear. As soon as the needles went into my ear, I felt a change. I almost fell asleep before she finished putting the rest of the needles in my body. It was so relaxing and my headache went away! All it took was 20ish minutes of acupuncture and my headache was gone, along with my sadness. So glad I didn't have to take any pills!

If you have never had acupuncture, you should look into it. I also got "Korean Hand Therapy", which is interesting.

I lied...

In my post yesterday I mentioned that I MAY have a tad bit of depression. That was a lie. It is more than a tad bit. This "depression" or funk that I am in is two fold.

I  worried about Scott's surgery. We live off his income and pay the mortgage, car insurance and my car payments with mine. With his surgery, he will be unable to work for at least three to four weeks. Possibly longer depemding on how he is healing and how much HE follows the doctor's orders. That is one month or more with none of his income.

We have never had to do this before. We haven't had to live on a budget either; we have been very fortunate in that way. I am worried that I am going to mess up somehow and we will be completely broke by the time he goes back to work.

A big part of my funk that makes me really sad is a more touchy subject. I have been trying to be happy and not sad when I think about the holidays. This year it is really bothering me. I miss my dad a lot lately. Last night we celebrated my uncle's 60th birthday. My dad and my uncle got along so well. My dad would have turned 60 four months ago. He would have loved having grandkids. I can only imagine what he would have built for them in his little workshop in the basement. Or imagine watching him put the train under the tree. Carefully instructing them on how to "properly use the control box" while it was running.

And the biggest part of my unhappiness stems from my losses the past two summers. I cannot stop thinking of how I could have had a seven month old right now or have been six months pregnant right now. It really sucks. No time of the year really screams "babies" more than this time.

I am trying to be thankful for having such a great family that loves and supports me. For friends that do the same as well. But at the end of the day, I still come home to a house (void of the thing I desire most in my heart). Not a home. A house with two empty bedrooms. One that should be a nursery and the other is a guest room.

No baby to rock to sleep. No stocking to fill for the first time. No precious bundles wrapped and put under a tree. No sweet smell of precious baby to inhale. Sure I could "rock" my furry children or even try to rock Scott (ha!), but it wouldn't be the same and no where near as pleasant.

So please pray for me. Last year was hard knowing that I had one baby in heaven. This year is much, much more difficult. Imagining the fun my grandpa and dad are having with my precious babes.

Sleep? Who needs sleep?

So, I have been on "the pill" for 9 days now. When I started it last Friday, I felt okay. After a day or two I noticed that I was very tired all the time. So naturally I went to bed earlier...and earlier and earlier. One night this past week I was in bed almost sleep by 8:00. I would wake up in the morning just as tired as when I went to bed.

I didn't know what to think. Should I blame the new meds? Does this have to do with the time change and it being dark so much earlier? Am I slipping back into a depression? Is it because my diet has become really crappy again?

Did I mention that I hadn't been to the gym consistently in just over three weeks? And at that I had only been once in said three weeks. Thursday morning I made sure that I had everything I needed to be able to head to the gym right after work. When I got there, I realized that I didn't have my earbuds with me and was sooo close to just pulling back out of the parking lot (I hadn't even got out of the car).

I made myself get out of the car and go in. I really needed to get back on my training for a race I want to run. My mind wasn't in it, and told me to just ride the recumbent bike. So I gave in and used the bike for a whopping 17 minutes (after a five minute warm-up on the treadmill). My head just wasn't in the game.

As I was walking back toward the locker room, I had to walk past the treadmills. Something in my mind made me turn to the right and head to a dreadmill instead of staying the course toward the locker room. Short story made longer, I completed a training session (using an app on the phone).

That night and Friday night, I was wide awake until 10:30. I forced myself to go to bed in which sleep came pretty quickly once I was laying down. The most surprising part of all is that I was awake and ready to go by 6:30 Friday and Saturday (today), which never happens.

So my "extreme lethargy" cannot be blamed on my new medicine. But probably mostly on getting too much sleep, not enough exercise, and maybe a tad bit of depression. Let's face it, each month that passes without life growing in my body is a sad thing for me...even though I know I am doing the right thing for my body by not pursuing fertility treatments this month and last. As much as I hate having this stupid cyst, I am glad I don't have to worry about all the appointments, medicines at certain times, the stress of worrying if it took, and about the money.

All Quiet On the Baby-front

Just a quick recap of what has been going on here on the baby-front. I went to the specialist last month and was told fertility treatments were a no go. Why? Because I had a cyst on my right ovary. The doctor wanted me to take a month off for my body to heal itself and the cyst to go away.

Fast forward to last Friday. Had my monthly baseline ultrasound to "check what's going on under the hood." Uterus: check, all systems go. Left ovary: check, clean as a whistle. Right ovary: BOO! HISS! BOO! Not only was my unwanted guest still there, but it did not shrink. Not on millimeter! In fact, it grew.

To say I was disappointed would be a half-truth. While you never want to hear your doctor say "your cyst didn't do what we wanted it to, it did the opposite", I am actually kind of relieved. In the moment, I was crushed. I cried all day at work.

Looking at all that is going on in my life,  and what is about to go on in the next few weeks, it is kind of a relief. Scott has to have surgery next Friday. Once he has the surgery, he will be out of work for a minimum of three-four weeks. That means I will be playing nurse for a while. My body and mind don't need the additional stress of going through fertility treatments this month.

So for now, I am just taking my "cyst dissolving pills" (birth control) and praying that it does the trick. I was reminded this morning on the way to work how when I try to lead what is going on in my life, it never works out the way I want it to. That when I hold on to God and let Him lead, things always turn out better.

Lamb Pituitary, Anyone?

I went to the Chiropractor this afternoon. We were discussing something, I forget what, and I mentioned that I was going to an acupuncturist. She asked how I liked it. Being honest, I said that I hadn't noticed any change but then again I wasn't going to remedy migraines or anything. I was going for infertility.

She shared that a friend of hers had struggled with infertility and had acupuncture as well. Eventually she went on to have a healthy baby. I shared that I was willing to try anything at least once because I had suffered through two miscarriages within a year of each other.

The doctor then asked how far along in each pregnancy I lost the baby. After thinking a minute, she asked if I had any thyroid problems. Why, yes! Yes I do! She said it may be a combination of thyroid and pituitary dysfunction. After running some "tests", she decided that I may benefit from taking pituitary/hypothalamus supplements. I decided to give it a try. Not only will it make me feel better in general, it could improve my chances in conceiving and carrying a healthy baby.

I start the pill tonight. So...if you hear me baaaing over the course of the next few says you will know why!