Living in Limbo

I have been in the dreaded 16 day wait for 13 days. It has been really hard on me this month. Since my dad and grandpa died, this time of year has been hard. After losing two babies it has become even more difficult.

Technically I can take a home test Saturday morning. I have decided to wait until Sunday. Saturday is my Christmas with my immediate family; I don't want to ruin it or put a damper on it if I get a negative result. BUT there is a 50-50 chance it could be positive.

Truth is, I don't know what to think is going on in my body. For the life of me I can't remember how it felt when I was pregnant before. All I can remember is that I always felt tired. The last pregnancy I craved pickles the whole time.

This month I have been really tired, but I have also been really stressed and somewhat more busy than usual. There was about a week that I had weird cramping. I craved pickles for a few days, but once I had a few they tasted gross to me. I get car sick when I am driving more than a couple of minutes. I have been dizzy a few times ans that never happens. There have been major changes in my bathroom habits, too.

I used to have horrible IBS. Now I have the opposite problem. I would love to be able to say "Obviously all the signs say I am pregnant!" But it isn't that easy. I could be having weird reactions or new sensations due to my lifestyle change at the beginning of the month. Being gluten free for a week before having my fertity treatments didn't give me a lot of time to understand what new things would be going on in my body.

I have been taking progesterone for just shy of two weeks. The thing about progesterone is it makes you feel things are occurring in you that may not truly be happening. I wish I could just take everyone's advice and stay calm and relaxed. Doing those things is not an easy task when you desperately want something so badly. Trying hard to be cautiously optimistic instead of a negative Nellie.