I am hanging in there

I don't have very much to report at all. Can't remember what I said in my last post. Scott and I are in the midst of our two week wait. We decided to give our wallets a break this month and do things the "old-fashioned way". Wouldn't it be something if this month was THE month?

Anyway, I have been doing a lot of thinking this new year. I have decided to stop living my life the way I have been. For the past few years I have questioned almost every decision I have made. No more living life in doubt or with regret. Time to take some chances!

Ahhh...

My symptoms got much worse as the evening wore on. I ventured out to the local statcare with Scott in tow.

I told the doctor what was going on. Gave a urine sample and waited. He came in the room a bit later and told me that I definitely had a bladder infection. But there was a surprise. He said that I came back positive for being pregnant. My heart skipped a beat for a minute as I thought to myself "How could a blood test and three transvaginal ultrasounds miss that?!" I closed my gaping mouth and then I realized why it said I was preggers...

I got a shot of HCG this morning. HCG is the pregnancy hormone. My shot will say in any urine or blood test that I am pregnant for the next 7-10 days. So, after I told him "wha' had happen was" he said that if he had known that from the beginning, he would have never had the pregnancy test run. I apologized for my shoddy information, just that you don't exactly remember every last detail when it feels like you are in the movie "Alien" and one is about to burst through your abdomen.

So I will be adding an antibiotic to my medicinal arsenal for the next week. So much easier to handle than making yourself believe you have ovarian cancer.

Ugh.

I went to the RE this morning for my follow-up ultrasound. Dr. N. asked how I was doing. I usually just say fine; but that would have been a lie. Truth is, since Friday morning I have had horrible lower abdominal pain.

First I thought it was just bloating and gas, as I had had quite a bit of fiber for a couple days prior. Friday night it got a little better. The pain reared its ugly head again yesterday afternoon. It has been pretty much relentless since. I have used a heating pad to try to calm it, but the relief was short lived. So back to my story...

I told him that I was in a lot of pain. Instead of showing concern or empathy, he said (and I quote), "Well, good!" I was thinking - What the heck?! Pain is something not good in my opinion. He said that it was probably pain from my ovaries growing/enlarging with my follicles.

News flash, Doc! My ovaries grow every month with my follicles and they have NEVER hurt this bad for this long! He said to expect it a couple more days then it should subside. I caved and took some Tylenol twice so far today. It has helped a lot. I wish I could use a heating pad, but I can't now that I am in the "throws" of trying to conceive...can't increase my body temperature. According to my nurse, it would be worse than sitting in a hot tub.

I am going to continue to take Tylenol as needed for the next couple days. If it isn't better by Wednesday, I am going to my family doctor. My mind is already going to dark places and thinking the worst...like I have ovarian cancer.

Pray for me as I am losing my grip with reality and assuming the worst!

A Delay I was Hoping For

Scott and I are taking a step back from the "aggressive" fertility treatments (namely IUI) for a couple of months. They have taken a toll on our finances and we need to recoup some money before going on.

Part of this requires me to quit trying to take control over my future. To take things one day at a time. I took some medication this month and today was the day to see if I had any good follicles. Dr. N only saw one in each ovary. He said they weren't big enough yet, but the bigger of the two should be big enough tomorrow. So, I did not get my HCG trigger shot. I have to go back tomorrow morning for a repeat ultrasound and hopefully get my shot.

As much as I am trying to stay calm and not worry too much about the outcome this month, I have been worried about the timing of everything. You see, Scott has been "incapacitated" since Thursday evening. He is "learning from his mistakes" that he made this fall. He won't be home until Sunday late afternoon. This could have been a potential problem in the "timing of events that need to occur".

By God's good grace, I don't have to worry about it. His timing is always perfect. Always. Even if I don't see that in the present moment. I believe now that I lost my second baby for good reason. Because of recommended blood work following my D&C, I found out I have a blood disorder. Also, I may not have been able to maintain a healthy pregnancy this Fall. I was majorly stressed this Fall. Scott got his "driving infraction" which put me in a bad place mentally and emotionally. Also, he had his ankle surgery. The surgery had me a worried, hot mess.

So my lesson from God that I have finally started to let sink in: don't ask God why things happen. Just trust that it will be revealed eventually and to trust in Him alone. Not yourself. Not your doctors. Him.

Buffalo Balls

I have been living a gluten free life for a month now. Finding things to eat hasn't been the major problem I thought it was going to be. Living gluten free has been good for my waistline and my wallet.

Sure if you buy a lot of "special" foods it can be expensive. If you eat mostly meat, veggies and fruit you don't have to worry about it. I have splurged and purchased a few things to make my transition a little easier. For instance, I LOVE cheetos (which are NOT gluten free). I found a brand of organic (I think), gluten free cheese puffs/curls. They are awesome! In my mind they don't taste so much like Cheetos, but Kr@ft Macaroni and Cheese (which I happen to also love).

Back to my Buffalo Balls...I habe been CRAVING boneless wings for a while now. Boneless wings are not diet friendly for me. I came across a recipe on Pinterest that piqued my interest. They are basically turkey meatballs coated in buffalo sauce.

You mix the ground turkey with some cream cheese, blue cheese crumbles, eggs and black pepper. Form them into meatballs and bake them for a few minutes. Take them out and dip them in the buffalo sauce (butter melted and mixed with Frank's red hot). Bake them 10 minutes longer and then they are done. OR you can coat them with the sauce again, then bake them again for 3 more minutes.

They were so good! Not quite the same as boneless buffalo wings, but they helped to fill the void.