Scott and I are taking a step back from the "aggressive" fertility treatments (namely IUI) for a couple of months. They have taken a toll on our finances and we need to recoup some money before going on.
Part of this requires me to quit trying to take control over my future. To take things one day at a time. I took some medication this month and today was the day to see if I had any good follicles. Dr. N only saw one in each ovary. He said they weren't big enough yet, but the bigger of the two should be big enough tomorrow. So, I did not get my HCG trigger shot. I have to go back tomorrow morning for a repeat ultrasound and hopefully get my shot.
As much as I am trying to stay calm and not worry too much about the outcome this month, I have been worried about the timing of everything. You see, Scott has been "incapacitated" since Thursday evening. He is "learning from his mistakes" that he made this fall. He won't be home until Sunday late afternoon. This could have been a potential problem in the "timing of events that need to occur".
By God's good grace, I don't have to worry about it. His timing is always perfect. Always. Even if I don't see that in the present moment. I believe now that I lost my second baby for good reason. Because of recommended blood work following my D&C, I found out I have a blood disorder. Also, I may not have been able to maintain a healthy pregnancy this Fall. I was majorly stressed this Fall. Scott got his "driving infraction" which put me in a bad place mentally and emotionally. Also, he had his ankle surgery. The surgery had me a worried, hot mess.
So my lesson from God that I have finally started to let sink in: don't ask God why things happen. Just trust that it will be revealed eventually and to trust in Him alone. Not yourself. Not your doctors. Him.
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