Praying on it

I have been thinking a lot. I have been praying. A lot. As I said in my last post, I have changed how I pray. I used to just kind of phone it in. Now I am not praying so much for what I want. Instead, I am praying for what God wants for me.

No more asking for a baby. I have been praying for a baby for years, and although I was blessed with two pregnancies they were short lived. I used to blame God for that fact. Not anymore. It wasn't punishment, like I was convinced it was.

Now I am praying for peace. For God to just be present with me. To prepare my heart and my mind for any news, whether good or bad. I pray for God to go before me. To work through those I am going to be working with. Most importantly, I am praying for others more than myself. I was a very selfish prayer.

Yesterday and this morning I prayed for a lot. Family, friends, co-workers, my doctors, Scott and myself. I found myself praying for God to go before me to my doctor's office (where I had an appointment this morning). I prayed that He worked through the doctors. To give them wisdom, insight, words of compassion. I think God was working through them this morning. I ended up seeing a different doctor than I was scheduled to see. From the moment she came in the room I was at peace.

I was able to ask her questions without being embarrassed and asking for advice on something. She was just who I needed to see this morning. God was working in my corner by making my scheduled doctor late. I feel at peace about my insemination the next two days. She will be doing the procedure tomorrow morning. This makes me happy, as she was the doctor that did the insemination in May when I got pregnant.

So prayers are appreciated. Not so much that the procedure create a baby (although that would be awesome and is the goal), but that I continue to have peace. That Dr. Maseelall is guided by God tomorrow. And that other women going through the same thing are given peace and perseverance.