Since it is technically the 18th, I am officially done with the two week wait. I go in this morning to have my beta drawn to test my hcg levels. I am hoping and praying that I get "egg-cellent" news. My heart can't take anymore defeat.
My "symptoms" aren't very consistent. My fatigue is getting slightly better. I got some really good sleep Sunday morning and Monday afternoon, hopefully that is reason for the improvement. I get occasional nausea or a queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I have been pretty thirsty today. I am craving carbs, but I think that is a nerves thing.
Scott is playing it cool and doesn't ever bring it up. I don't know if he I scared or nervous or just plain has no emotion or thoughts on the matter. I asked him to pray for me tonight. He wrapped his arms around me and closed his eyes...but didn't say a word out loud. I guess I should have clarified that I wanted to hear it...to help calm my mind.
I have no idea what the results are going to be tomorrow. I can only pray that I am in fact pregnant. Today (Tuesday) is cycle day 28 for me. I usually start spotting on day 27 or at least having cramps or become more emotional. I've got nothing going on...which makes me nervous. Nervous that I am not pregnant, just going to have a 30 day cycle this month or something.
Then I start thinking, "well, even if I might be pregnant, I can't enjoy it." I will be stressed every waking moment that a random twinge of pain could mean I am losing it. Or the constant checking of the toilet tissue after using the restroom for signs of loss. I don't think I will be able to enjoy a pregnancy until I am close to full term. I never want to hear a heartbeat, then have it taken from me again. If I pregnant, it better stick this time. Lord knows how hard it has been to lose my two babies, I couldn't handle losing another one.
Prayers and we'll wishes would be appreciated.
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